Journey to Nowhere
by Htom Sirveaux
Summary: AU. David and co. go on a wild journey across the country in an old Volkswagen bus. Contains slash, drugs, and a Canadian cult worshipping Tom Cruise. Javid, Blush, Sprace, Sputchy, Sarris, and many more to come. M for future chapters.
1. Prologue: Graduation

Disclaimer: I don't own _Newsies_, Billy Joel, or anything else that might be mentioned in this fanfiction. All I own is my imagination. This is dedicated to Friskywallabee, who not only inspired this, but has been waiting almost two months for me to type it up.

Prologue: Graduation

"A truly touching speech, Mr. Valedictorian," Jack said as he and David sat out on the fire escape outside David's apartment. Jack was smoking lazily, and David was lying down, staring up into the maze of fire escape above him. Inside, their friends were eating everything in the Jacobs' kitchen, and Esther had turned on one of her old psychedelic LPs.

"I threw up," David said numbly. "I was the fucking Valedictorian, and I threw up all over the podium."

"A perfect end to our high school years," Jack said, grinning like a maniac.

"Your cheering didn't help," David said, turning to look at him.

Jack shrugged, blowing smoke from his mouth dramatically. "I wasn't the only one."

Two more figures climbed out onto the fire escape. It was Blink and Mush, who were both high as kites. Jack, David, Blink, and Mush had been friends since kindergarten, their friendship sealed when Blink saved Jack, who had been David's only friend beforehand, from choking to death on cheap glue. He had come over with record speed, stuck his finger down Jack's throat, and swooped out the glue. David was eternally grateful, and Jack just thought it was really cool, because all David had managed to do was fall to his knees and start praying fervently in Hebrew. With Blink came Mush, and together, the four of them were an unstoppable A-team for all the years they were trapped in public education. They had done everything together, even gotten jobs as newspaper delivery boys as preteens, then as waiters at the Delancey's Italian restaurant.

"David, your sis is so pregnant," Blink said, as Mush puffed on a joint beside him. "Only about three weeks, but she's definitely got the bitch swings."

"Guys, that stuff smells like boiled urine," David complained, wrinkling his nose.

"Anyway, about your psycho sister," Blink said, waving David's complaint away with one hand, "Does she have to come? I mean a pregnant woman on a cross-country road trip could really cramp our style."

"We're going to Disneyland," David sighed, plucking the joint from Mush's lip and dropping it over the edge of the fire escape. "That's why all the other guys are ditching on us. Spot and Race are doing the roller coaster thing-"

"Lucky bastards," Jack muttered, low enough for David not to hear him.

"-And Specs, Dutchy, and Snoddy are just going to let the road guide them. You all said you wanted to go with us, and I'm not about to entrust my sister's life to her idiot boyfriend and his psycho brother. Morris would probably forget her in a Wal-Mart in Wisconsin. Besides, you guys were all psyched that my mom was letting us use the Volkswagen bus."

"Don't worry," Jack said confidently to Mush and Blink, "It'll still be like Thelma and Louise."

"Minus the guns," David exclaimed, looking at Jack in slight fear. "I don't trust any of you idiots not to shoot me or my pregnant sister."

"Yes sir," Jack cackled, his smile looking even more disturbing as it spread across his face like wildfire. "I'll return shortly, comrades. I have something to take care of."

"No guns!" David yelled down at him, as he scurried down the fire escape.

"We're doomed," Mush said, lighting up a new joint, only to have David pull it out of his mouth and put it out under his foot.


	2. Chapter One: Radio Issues

Chapter One: Radio Issues

"What the Hell did you do to my mother's bus?" David asked, looking in horror at the spray painted words on the side of his mother's beloved "Love Mobile."

"I thought we needed a name," Jack said proudly, patting the bus fondly.

"Camp Thelma and Louise Minus The Guns Because David Doesn't Trust Any of These Idiots (Except for Jack, Who is Perfect and Definitely Not an Idiot) to Not Shoot Him or His Pregnant Sister," Oscar read in a deadpan, his eyes flickering dangerously as he walked up to the bus. Mush and Blink noticed this, and jumped back quickly.

"I like it," Mush said uncertainly.

"It's a little wordy," Blink said, lighting up a cigarette.

"My mom's going to kill me," David moaned, sinking to his knees.

"The fuck, Kelly?" Oscar growled. "Couldn't you have picked a better name?"

"Like what?" Jack demanded, now practically groping the bus.

"Maybe just Camp Thelma and Louise Minus the Guns?" Blink suggested.

"I think my name's great," Jack pouted, glancing at David, who was pulling at his hair.

"You would," Oscar snarled, as Sarah and Morris started loading their things into the bus. "What about Marigold?"

"Marigold?" David asked, looking at Oscar as though he'd suddenly grown two heads. Morris began cackling wickedly.

"It's his middle name," Morris supplied, looking delighted to have such a golden opportunity to humiliate his brother. "Mom wanted a girl, and when she found out Oscar was the last, she stuck him with Marigold as his middle name."

Sarah shrieked as Oscar launched himself at Morris wildly.

"This is why there are no guns allowed!" David shouted, before settling himself into a seat. They hadn't even turned the ignition, and already Jack had defaced the bus, the Delancey's were trying to tear each other apart, and he now would have to listen to Jack call Oscar "Marigold" all the way to California.

---

"This is going to be so awesome!" Race said, as he and Spot pulled out onto the highway. He turned up the radio, watching the wind blow in his boyfriend's hair. Finally, they would have some time just for themselves. No school, no friends, no-

"What the fuck is this shit?" Spot demanded, interrupting Race's daydream, pointing to the radio.

Race listened. "_Une souris verte, Qui courait dans l'herbe…_"

Spot raised his eyebrow. Race cleared his throat. "Mom's been teaching the twins French. It's about a green mouse."

"Make it stop," Spot snarled, as the radio began to spit out more French songs.

"I'm trying!" Race said, pressing every button on the console, trying to make the tape eject. "It won't come out. And none of the buttons are working."

"Just turn the fucking thing off!" Spot exclaimed, reaching for the volume control. He yanked on it, and the knob came off in his hand.

"Shit," Race said, his face going pale as Edith Piaf began to warble out "Je ne Regrette Rien."

"Oh, God," Spot said in horror. "Anything but her. Turn the green mouse song back on!"

---

Specs and Dutchy pulled out of the gas station, feeling quite happy with the world. They had acquired a variety of essential gas station foods, and were eagerly sampling everything. In the back of their minds, they briefly wondered if perhaps they had forgotten something, but "Uptown Girl" started playing on the radio, and any such thoughts were quickly forgotten.

---

Over at Camp Thelma and Louise Minus the Guns Because David Doesn't Trust Any of These Idiots (Except for Jack, Who is Perfect and Definitely Not an Idiot) to Not Shoot Him or His Pregnant Sister, henceforth to be called Camp Thelma and Louise Minus the Guns, they had finally gotten to the highway. It had taken two fights (Oscar vs. Morris, Oscar vs. Jack), two bouts of hysterical crying (Sarah, Mush), one emergency trip to Mush's house (for abandoned Tickle-Me-Elmo), and two hours, forty-seven minutes, and fifteen seconds to actually leave New York City.

Now, they had to deal with Morris complaining about the radio.

Before the trip, Jack had installed Sirius on the bus, claiming to want to catch Howard Stern, who was now confined to satellite radio. However, there seemed to be no Howard Stern access, because the radio refused to change from a channel devoted expressly to what Morris called "fluffy girly sugar shit." In other words, Madonna, Aqua, and old-school Britney Spears, circa the year David had been in the sixth grade made a steady stream out of the speakers.

"It's aliens," Mush said with complete delight. "They're sending us a message."

"It's annoying as Hell," Oscar growled.

"It's not so bad," Sarah said, shrugging.

"It's probably a bad signal," Blink suggested.

"It's probably the remote," said David, reaching around Jack. "Jack, where's the remote? Are you sitting on it?"

"Nope," Jack said, bobbing his head as "Material Girl" came on.

David shoved his hand underneath Jack's rear, and everyone turned to look at him.

"What?" he exclaimed, turning red, as Jack wagged his eyebrows at him suggestively. "He's probably sitting on it."

"Oh, David," Jack said huskily. "Don't deny our love."

"Get off me," David said, pulling his hand back and crossing his legs. He tried to make it look like he was annoyed, but inside, his heart was racing. Damn Jack, and his tight ass.


End file.
